I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish you could order shots online.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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