you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
