I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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