I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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