Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize