WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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