Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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