you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
