everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize