After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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