it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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