i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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