there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
