Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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