nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
