it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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