you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
