And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
