I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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