His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize