Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The air was thick with penises
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
