I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
