My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
