The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
