someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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