I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
