I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
