It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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