Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
