i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Randomize
