Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
