umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
