she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize