I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
