Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
