he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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