I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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