Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
