how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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