it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
