im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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