His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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