I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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