Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
