I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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