Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
