Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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