I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
