You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize