he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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