Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
