the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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