I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
