can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
