Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
