sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
