Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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