Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
