Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
