I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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