So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
