Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
