she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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