And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
