He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
