I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
