Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
