Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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