the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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