Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
