I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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