just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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