I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
